Have you learned to mask, suppress, or control hurt and tender feelings?.Does it feel like no one really gets what it is like to be you, especially some of the people closest to you?.People who are overcontrolled tend to answer yes to questions such as these: Most often they suffer with problems including chronic depression, anorexia, or obsessive-compulsive personality. Since overcontrolled people are generally responsible, reserved people, they don’t garner a lot of attention, but instead suffer in silence. They may often spend a great deal of time around others, but walk away feeling disconnected, unappreciated, lonely, and exhausted. Specifically, the behaviors characterizing overcontrol tend to interfere with the formation of close social bonds and, as a result, people who are overcontrolled typically suffer from strong feelings of loneliness.
While being overcontrolled may serve some adaptive functions, it unfortunately tends to come at a high cost, particularly in terms of people’s relationships and sense of connection. These patterns of maladaptive overcontrol result from a combination of hardwired, genetic and temperamental factors, and family/environmental factors that serve to reinforce these ways of coping. People who tend to keep their true opinions or feelings to themselves until it feels like the “right time”Īloof and distant in their way of relating to others People who have high personal standards, even if they feel like they can’t always meet themįocused on details at the expense of seeing the bigger picture People who have a hard time relaxing and “taking it easy”
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